Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Queen Protects the King..

[Disclaimer: Although it's not my intention and I'm aware that this post might offend a lot of my readers, I feel like it needs to be said and will not apologize for expressing myself. However, I am always open to hearing new perspectives in a healthy, intelligent conversational setting. If you must debate what is written, all I ask is that you please 1) read before speaking 2) be respectful of my p.o.v. and that of others. Also, I feel like it's just as important to address that my reference to Kanye West in para. 4 has nothing to do with the love I have for him as an artist. Last but not least, it's lengthy and sarcastic. Continue accordingly.]

In the past, I've discussed quite a bit about unity in the black community without dismissing the beauty of diversity. As a blogger who has an opinion about everything, I try to be very selective about what I discuss publicly, especially when it comes to personal choices that have nothing to do with me. However, I was recently inspired to touch on the topic of interracial relationships, one that I'll easily discuss every now and then among friends. This post is one that dives deeper than normal and really puts things into perspective.  Twitter, where most of my inner thoughts see the light of day, is where it all began: 
I can't speak for everyone, but I, personally, see no real issue with any interracial relationships; you love who you love and I get that. Actually, taking one glimpse into my own bloodline, you'd see that it's not a foreign concept to me, not even when it boils down to my immediate family. I do, however, understand how people-namely black women-are able to find fault in it. Even still, it's not a problem until someone goes to war to defend what they willingly signed up for, rather than accepting the choices for themselves, especially black men who prefer to date outside their race/cultural understanding. A majority of the time, they'll feel inclined to do so by further depressing and oppressing the same women who birthed and raised them

When it comes to black men with racial preferences in women, many of them place non-black women on some sort of pedestal and hold them to a higher standard that's apparently unattainable for women of color. Typically, I pay them no mind. However, when these types of men, especially the ones with influence, have the audacity to disrespect black women all day, then turn around, expecting an applause from the entire black community, as if we collectively owe an award for finally being "good enough" to date a white man's daughter, that's when it becomes problematic. Whenever a black man tries to tear me apart in order to defend their views (by the way, an offense to one is an offense to all), my response is this: Please remember that once upon a time, you weren't even allowed to wink at a white woman without being lynched, so congratulations on achieving a certain level of freedom in this regard. Just make sure you walk on eggshells, because the minute you step out of line, she'll suddenly remember her inherited privilege above your own. 

It takes me back to high school and reading about the rape charge against Marcus Dixon-or even the more recent coverage on UVA student, Martese Johnson. I won't go into depth, but I do encourage you to read up on those stories, which I've linked in. Stories like that reflect what continues to happen in society and should be a deep cut reminder that nothing-no amount of accolades, nice suites, elite social circles, how many white families decide to adopt/accept you-will ever make the color of a man's skin go away. I'm all for crossing racial barriers, but ignoring racial issues or pretending racism doesn't exist won't make it magically disappear. Word to Kanye West.

While I think love is beautiful in itself, there is something magical about black love, on a historical level. If you study history, you'd understand that the purpose of slavery was to ensure that all slaves remained that way and for the cycles that began during the slave trade would only proliferate if the constitution of slavery were to ever come to an end. You don't have to take my word for it; read and educate yourself on the Willie Lynch manual. In brief, slave masters implicated these inhumane acts to dehumanize a certain group of people, specifically targeting black men. They recognized the power that rested inside a black man's lungs and knew that if they were able to tame just him, they'd be able to keep the rest of them in a place of docile obedience. 

With that very short history lesson, this is why so many women of color get so defensive/angry when a black man fixes his mouth to say "I only date white women" or "I don't date black women". It absolutely makes me cringe whenever I hear that, because despite how powerless you're painted to be in any given situation, we were/are/will always be the only ones who came to your honor to defend you at your lowest point. We are the only ones who will ever know your pain first hand and still be able to see the king in you. 

In conclusion, my stance is quite simple. Date whoever you want to date; just leave other people out of it. It's wonderful to feel like it's an honor to be in the company of someone else, as I do with all the people I keep around me, but it should always be based on an individual's character and who they are as a person, not because of a silly infatuation with another person's ethnicity. At that point where you feel superior, just because you choose to date outside your race, you're involved for the wrong reasons. If you find yourself in a position to defend the person you love, there are so many ways to do so without shattering the hearts of the ones who love you. 


  1. I feel you! Not to be petty, but the black men that Ive come across who only date white women dont want to work and are comfy living off of her. Thats just my experience. *kanye shrug*

    On the other hand, I think love is so rare and so beautiful, that in this day & time, however you find it...hold on to it.

  2. I agree with a lot in this post and I'm actually in an interracial relationship. I don't feel like every black men should be grouped into the category that you've presented in the post but I've definitely met those type of guys. As you said and how I've always believed, love who you love. No one should ever tell you who to fall for and I Dont believe anyone should make you feel bad about who you love. If you do date outside your race, that doesn't mean you have to ridicule black women (or whomever race you belong.) Me personally I Dont do that. I still see the beauty that is the black woman--even if Im not in a relationship with one. I did notice how the focus really was on white women particularly and im interested in if these feelings also would be as strong if a black men was dating a Hispanic or Asian woman. But end of the day, love who you love.

    I'm really glad you wrote this and didn't keep it tucked away! :)

    1. To clear a couple of things up, I definitely wasn't grouping black men in a category, as I made sure to include words such as like, many of, and men like this. I personally know men who date all kinds of women and I think it's great; like stated, I'm not against it at all. But what I was shooting for was people who feel the need to look down on black women by who they choose to day. The focus wasn't on white women, but I did use them to make a point (i.e. "So with that very short history lesson, this is why so many women of color get so defensive/angry when a black man fixes his mouth to say "I only date white women".), but yes I feel just as strongly about any man who says he only dates non-black women and I still feel like no other woman will ever protect you like a black woman, regardless of which race we're discussing (When it comes to black men with racial preferences in women, many of them place non-black women on some sort of pedestal and hold them to a higher standard that's apparently unattainable for women of color.). I'm not talking about the women involved at all actually. I'm specifically talking about and to men who think women who are not black are better than women who are.

      Thanks for reading/inspiring!!

  3. Great post, Chymere. I agree with a lot of things here. I find nothing wrong with Black men dating women outside our race, but I do have an issue with Black men who date other races because they believe those women are superior. No-go. Unfortunately, some of our men are like that... but #notAll. Lol. I am forever grateful for the strong, black men out there who treat us like queens. They really don't get enough credit sometimes.

  4. *hand claps & finger snaps* I feel like you voiced what so many of us think. I have nothing against anyone who finds a real, sincere bond with someone outside of their race. I've been in interracial relationships in the past, but as you mentioned, the problem some people have is with their motive. I find that some men (and women) aren't even self-aware enough to understand why they "prefer" other races (over their own) but are quick to put down their own. It's usually those privately insecure people who, sadly, can't find the beauty in their own selves (and their own melanin) who somehow think that dating (marrying, having a baby with,etc) someone outside of their race will elevate them...and we over here like "no, that's not how any of this works". Kudos for sharing this. This is a very nuanced topic and you really spoke to it well.


Feel free to share your thoughts!

Created by Sky Box Design Studio