Sunday, November 15, 2015


I think we know way ahead of time that certain things are going to fall apart...but we choose to go forth anyway. Why do we listen to our hearts when it comes to what we think we want, but don't listen to our gut right before we’re entering a danger zone, if those gut feelings are essentially the same thing as listening to your heart when its right? And I understand the concept of taking risk, but what about the moment you realize whatever it is you’re going after isn’t worth the risk in the first place? I’ve just been convinced that we are built with these instincts to just KNOW...and it really doesn’t get any more simple than that.

Something my ex said that I'll always remember: never tell people what can hurt you, because one day they'll use it to their advantage. It was a tid-bit I locked in the back of my mind, but I didn't always believe that people were actually like that. Now...I just wish I applied that knowledge sooner. That way I wouldn’t have to always learn the hard way...maybe. However, I appreciate the lessons.

Recently, I spent an entire year-maybe even longer than that-ignoring all the things that made me unhappy and uncomfortable, rarely speaking up for or expressing myself, especially when I allowed other people to be the root of it all. That entire time, nothing in me clicked, partially because I wasn’t ready for the truth of the matter. I wasn’t ready to take responsibility for certain things I was accepting and allowing. I wasn’t ready to face the demons I’d manifested. What a difference a year makes...but then again, sometimes a year doesn’t change a thing. Now, I’m just at a point where I have to re-adjust; really begin to listen to myself and stop choosing paths and people that don't choose me also, because everything in life boils down to choices. I have to stop believing that my heart alone can manage being a good leader (of self) and rationalize my steps more often.


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