Friday, October 26, 2018

Where I am, Where I've been, + Where I'm going | Life Update

I said was back, then I left again. Story of my life...

For the past year or so, New York has been calling my name and for a while, I didn't exactly know why; that's just where my heart was telling me to go, like my destiny is tied to this place. Earlier this year, I even booked a one-way ticket from ATL to LGA for August 2018, months in advance. Before I knew it, it was August and I ended up missing my flight. As upsetting as it was, I'm convinced it happened for a reason, God's way of telling me to slow down, because at that point, I was so unprepared and wasn't exactly ready to take that leap.

The few months that have transpired since the missed flight have been a whirlwind, to say the least.  In attempt to fall in love with my home city again, I instantly became complacent; latching on to complacent ideas, toxic habits, and started to settle on the idea that I was going to be in this city for a while, so there was no need to resist the inevitable. Completely disregarding what I wrote on the topic of 'How to Choose Love Over Fear', only a couple of weeks removed from my scheduled departure, the fear of failure took reign. Furthermore, some unexpected negativity came waltzing into my life and I subconsciously welcomed all of it with open arms. 

In the meantime, I fell in love with a puppy and I was lured into the role of pit bull mom once again. It has been quite the challenge, especially with my parents' older, low tolerance dog already in the house and him being only a few weeks young when I brought him home. He's been the absolute light of my life; learning exceptionally fast, growing even faster, and it's been an overall rewarding experience thus far. This part seems irrelevant to mention, however, he's a significant component in this life update and a pretty accurate depiction of this awkward transitional phase I'm currently in.

Meet Indigo
Needless to say, it was almost too easy to retract back into my comfort zone instead of refocusing on what I felt like I was called to do.  Instead of actually living and looking forward to each day and every moment, I was doing anything and everything I possibly could to avoid depression. The mindset that has been plaguing me for years is if I don't leave soon, I'll get stuck here, but I was starting to find solace in that. Even getting a puppy was a way to shift my perspective about being here in Atlanta long term, which worked for a little while, but now the engines are running again.

Long story short, I may possibly be in the process of "uprooting my life" yet again and migrating north with my pup and chase all my multi-faceted and creative dreams. I fully understand how risky it is to "announce" anything before anything is set in stone, but I'm intentionally putting it out into the universe and holding myself accountable. If it doesn't work out, the only person I truly have to answer to is myself.

Obviously with freelancing, I can do that anywhere, however, I think it's important for me to be in a city that literally thrives on hustle and ambition is going to be the extra push that I need to take my career to another level that I'm not sure I'll achieve by staying put. And now, all I can really think about is moving and how I'm going to (trust God in order to) make it happen.

I said this over a year ago and now I'm 1/2 way there...

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